


Make you feel love again

by Spaceystella



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Dorks in Love, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Pining Lance (Voltron), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Switching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-06-29 18:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceystella/pseuds/Spaceystella
Summary: "Healing is important. So let's focus on healing each other. I will be your sleeping pill, and you will be my xanax."Lance and Keith are wounded by the humans. They've been hurt differently, so they cope with their scars in different ways: Lance tries to get close to them, to show himself: there is still good in humanity, Keith tries to push everone away, because he will end up being hurt again, or worse: he will hurt someone. One is pining, the other one is distant. The roles swap sometimes. But at the end, they both have to choose: give a chance to something new, or live a calm, but sad life, that they used to live.





	1. Something new

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I feel like I can do this. I am really nervous about sharing my work. I hope you will all like it!
> 
> If you like my writing, visit my -mostly- artpage on ig: nyikaeszti

"Keith?"  
"Yeah, Lance?"  
"How come we've never held hands?" The quiestion suprised Keith. They were walking next to each other by the riverside. It was 16th of January, the weather was cold, and it was snowing. Keith really liked winter. Everything looked better with the whiteness of the snow. Lance's tan skin was even more beautiful than usually with the contrast of the snow's white colour. 

"Why do you ask?" Asked Keith, although, he knew exactly why Lance asked. It's been 3 weeks since they confessed for each other.  
"Dunno." Lance shaked his head. "Wanna hold hands?"  
"There are people around." replied quickly Keith. Lance looked disappointed, but what could Keith do? In fact, there were people around. It was dark, and late, and Keith didn't want to get murdered or beaten up for holding hands with Lance. Well, at least this was a good excuse. He didn't want to hold hands. Not because he didn't like, or -dare I say- love Lance, but because he still had trust issues. Lance fell in love with him quickly. Almost too quickly. Lance barely broke up with his ex, Nyma, after he fell for Keith. Of course, Lance said something about that he always liked Keith, but how could he believe that?  
"Okay." Lance said. "So, have you heard about the newest gossip about that guy in the other class? What's his name? Lotor? Yeah, so he broke up with Allura. He is so mean, I can't stand it. Allura is so nice, and this asshole just keeps breaking her heart. I wish she would just move over him and find someone who actually loves her." Lance kept being talkative, but Keith knew that the tan boy just talked because he felt extremely awkward after Keith's rejection.  
"Actually you wish she would find You?" Keith didn't even noticed that this slipped out of his mouth.  
"What?" Lance asked, then he realised."Oh my god. Babe, Keith, I am so sorry I would never even think that. You know that my love for Allura was just planetonicaly--"  
"Platonicaly." Keith murmured.  
"Whatever." Lance rolled his eyes. "My point is that I only lo... Like you. You are the one I want to be with." Keith only smiled at this. Right. No need to worry. Lance promised him, that he won't hurt him. Keith should trust him. Relationships are all about trust, right? At least that's what Keith heard. Lance was his first lover. His first boyfriend, or whatever. He had a crush on a man, named Shiro, but it was a one sided attraction. Shiro already had a fiancé when he got to know Keith.  
"But I won't talk about her ever, if that makes you feel more comfortable." Lance continued.  
"No, talk about whatever you want to. It's just strange that you chosed me over her, or over any other pretty girl... "  
"C'mon babe. I didn't choose you. My heart did."  
"That's cheesy." Keith smirked.  
"But true. And also, even if it would be about choosing... Why would I choose a pretty girl, when I can get the most beautiful man?" Keith wanted to say something to respond, but when he looked at Lance's serious face, he swallowed down the bitter words.  
"Stop joking."

"I am not joking. By the way I know you like it when I joke." Lance smiled at him, and Keith couldn't help but look away quickly with a blush on his face.  
"Maybe I do like it a little bit."  
The river was beautiful in the night. The water was pitch black, and as the wind breezed it, it reflected the lights of the city hazily. The street they were walking on was quiet and dark.Lance was looking at Keith, his dark hair, and his pale skin, which matched so nicely with the snow. Lance liked winter too. It reminded him of Keith. Cold for the most, but once someone finds the warmness in him, they will be held by the beauty forever. Yes, Keith was cold mostly. Not everytime, and not with everyone, but it was hard to break his walls down. Well, Lance did the impossible. Keith grew so close to him. He was not the mysterious, distant bad boy anymore. Well at least not for Lance. He was warm, and loving, and nice. Lance fell in love with him more and more everyday.  
Suddenly, he felt courage. He bit his lip, and scretched his fingers, and reached for Keith's hand. His heart was beating fast, his cheeks were burning up, as he held his crush's hand. He didn't knew why Keith acted strangely lately, or why he started to grow distant again, but he wanted to show him, that he is the one Lance loves. They held hands for minutes, before Keith pulled away his, and put it into his pocket.  
"It's cold. My hands were freezing." He explained. He know, that this hurt Lance, but Keith was hurt too. Although it wasn't Lance's fault. It wasn't his fault, that he had a girlfriend before Keith. It really shouldn't bother him, but it does. It is fucking annoying, that Keith might be just another 'summer adventure' or in this case, winter adventure for Lance. He didn't wanted to end up like another 'Nyma' or another 'Allura' in Lance's life.  
"True. It is cold." Lance's voice was shaky. He obviously had to hold his tears back. Why did Keith pull away so suddenly? Actually he was the one who confessed first. He told Lance, that he might like him more as a friend. So why is he doing this right now? Lance's brain was filled with questions, but he had to stop them. He was one step away from crying. He had to stop.  
"Wanna go home? Tomorrow we have to go to school early." Asked Lance finally. He really wants to go home.  
"Yeah, that's true." Keith nodded.  
***  
When Lance got home, he automaticaly ran into his room, locked his door, and started to cry into his pillow. He was hurt. He knew that it would be hard to get even closer to Keith, but never thought that Keith would hurt him like this. Lance knew he fucked up a lot. Well, he fucked up at the moment he got together with Nyma. If he would've been a little smarter, Keith wouldn't think that he is replaceable.Or, at least Lance would have a chance. Now, he fel so lost. What should he do?  
He got out his phone, and messeged Keith.  
10pm  
Loverboy:"I really like you. I really do. But I see that you don't like me. It's fine. You really don't have to pretend just to make me feel better."  
He put down the phone and layed on his back. There was no use crying about it. It hurt just too much to even cry anymore. Then, his phone ringed. Keith replied.  
10:05 pm  
Emoboy:"I like you too." Lance read this sentence over and over, and he shook his head. Keith was such a fucking liar.  
Loverboy:"Then why are you pulling away?"  
Emoboy: "I don't know."  
Loverboy: "Yes you do know. You don't like me. But it's really fine."  
Emoboy: "Are you listening to music?"  
Loverboy: "Why do you even care?"  
Emoboy: "Because you don't hear the doorbell."  
.  
.  
Loverboy: "...What?!"

 

***2 years ago*** 

Something has changed. Lance didn't know what, but he knew, that there was something new in the small classroom. He looked around, but it was hard to tell. There were 20 other kids in the room, it was almost impossible, the notice anything. The chairs were still rusty, the teacher's table was still full of chalk dust, the floor was stil covered in dirt, and Tom Jellen was still a loud prick. Tom was currently talking about how many girls he hooked up while he was drunk. There was no problem in that, but his girlfriend, Evelyn was in the same classroom. The girl didn't really care, she exactly knew about everything. She didn't break up, most likely because she was extremely insecure. 

Lance was too caught up in his own thoughts, to hear Shiro's voice behind him. Shiro was almost 9 years older than him. He was a university student, who studied how to be a chemistry teacher, he spent a lot of time in Lance's high school. When a chemistry teacher was sick, he was the one, who replaced them, so he was helping the school out. He exercised, and the school had +1 chem teacher. It was a win-win situation.  
Well, not for Lance. When he was in the first grade of high school, he had a huge crush on Shiro. He even wrote a secret love letter to him. Of course, Shiro found out, that he was the one, who hid the letter into the man's locker. They had a pretty awkward conversation afterwards. It turned out that Shiro, in fact, was in a relationship already. So Lance got over him, and they became good friends. 

"Lance! Hey, are you listening?" Shiro asked a few times again, until Lance didn't give his attention to him.  
"Hey, Shiro, how are you?" Lance asked smiling.  
"I'm good. I came to return a few books that I borrowed from the library. Are you alright? You look confused."  
Lance shook his head. " I AM confused. Something has changed. But I just can't find out what."  
"Oh well, look at you Sherlock." Shiro laughed. "Maybe, look at your seat. I wanted to tell you this earlier, but..." 

He didn't have a chance to finish, he had lost Lance's attention. The boy was staring at something much more interesting. More like... Someone much more interesting. On his seat, on his chair there sat a boy. The stranger was in black, ripped skinny jeans, in black converse shoes, and he wore a red-black shirt. He had a bunch of male-bracelets on his wrists. His whole apperence was so emo, it would worth a cringe. But if Lance wanted to be honest, it suited him. It was just the right outfit for a pale skinned, dark haired, attractive boy. Wait... Attractive? Did Lance just think that? Was the stranger attractive? Slightly, yeah. But Lance could pinpoint this to his age. A confused 16 year old bisexual can find MANY people attractive... (Trust me on that.) So instead of thinking, Lance just turned to Shiro.

"Who is the emo mulletboy?"  
"He is the new boy, Keith Kogane." Shiro answered.  
"And how the hell do you know him?" Lance asked, then his eyes widened. "No way!! He is your boyfriend? But he is way too young for you!"  
"Lance, first of all, you were even younger last year, yet you confessed for me. Second of all, he is not my boyfriend. He is more like a stepbrother for him" Shiro was halfway laughing halfway crying. He hated to remind Lance to last year, but he had to clear his name.  
"What the..." Lance made a face at Shiro's statement. "You have a stepbro? Ooooh how could I not realize! You are Shiro-gane, and he is Ko-gane!"  
"Well, not really. I just kinda adopted him or whatever. Our names has nothing to do with this."  
"Man, you -gane's are weird as hell." Lance sighed. His attention got back to the stranger, named 'Keith'. "Wait a sec. New guy or not, he is not going to sit in MY chair."  
"Be good with him. Please." Shiro's face was serious. "He is going through some stuff." Lance wanted to answer something, but the bell rang. Shiro waved goodbye, then walked out. Lance took a deep breath, and hurried to the new boy. 

"Hi, mulletboy."  
"Hi, I have a name.." The boy's voice was deeper and raspier than Lance's, it was kinda calming.  
"I know, Shiro just told me about you, Keef."  
"Keith."  
"Whatever. You know where you are sitting?" Lance asked with a pout.  
"... On a chair?"  
"You think you are smart, aren't you?" Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "You are sitting on my place."  
"Well these tables are for 2 person, maybe you should sit next to me?" Keith seemed like he was really irritated by Lance. "It doesn't look like someone is sitting next to you anyway.  
"Shut up, idiot." mumbled Lance. Now there's a thing we should know about Lance. He always spoils something. Last year, his friend, Pidge wanted to get into math class. Lance swore her, that he was going to go with her, so she won't be alone. The problem was that Lance was really bad at math. He failed the test, so he stayed in the normal class alone, when Pidge got into the math class. So that's why he was currently sitting alone. "Okay, fine, I guess I can share my table with you." He rolled his eyes, then threw his bag down. The teacher walked in, and started the class. Lance felt, that this was the beginning of something new.

... He was wrong. The days were just the same. Keith Kogane was a cool kid. A way too cool kid. He always lived in his own world, he never told anything to Lance, but you know what? Lance could live with that. He knew, he could break Keith's ice someday.  
"Say something about yourself." Lance smiled at him. He was so ready, to start a friendship with the distant mulletboy.  
"No." Keith said, then quickly added: " I don't like talking about myself" Lance took a deep breath and made a cracking noise.  
"What was that noise?" Keith asked, furrowing his eyebrows.  
"My Titanic couldn't break your ice." Lance answered, with a big grin. And for a moment, he saw a small beginning of a smirk on Keith's lips too. He got closer to him.

 

The next day Lance bought a manga to class. Keith looked at him with disgust on his face.  
"Really, Lance? Naruto manga?"  
"Well, you look like someone, who would like it. I am not judging you, prince emo, just saying that you can borrow it, if you want. And then, we would have something in common. And we could talk about this at first, so you don't have to talk about yourself, and I don't have to feel like an oversharing leech."  
After a few moments of silence, Keith looked away. "No, thank you."  
"W-what?" Lance stuttered. He was suprised by Keith's coldness.  
Keith raised his voice. "I said, no thanks." Then he stood up, and walked out, leaving Lance alone. Lance felt a little ache in his heart because of the rejection, but he decided not to give up.


	2. Something old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> U better watch out  
> U better wach out!  
> U BETTER WATCH OUT  
> U BETTER WATCH OUT!!!!

Emoboy: "Because you don't hear the doorbell."  
.  
.  
Loverboy: "...What?!"

Lance got up from his bed, and wiped away his tears. He slowly walked out of his room, and went to the frontdoor. He didn't really wanted to open it. He knew exactly what was about to happen. Keith was going to break up with him. He took a deep breath.   
"Hey." smiled Lance as he opened the door.   
"Lance, look..." Keith began, but Lance didn't let him finish.  
"I know why are you here. So please, just get over it. I understand if you've changed your mind." It was hard for Lance not to cry.

Keith seemed to be suprised. "What are you talking about?"  
"Keith, please don't play dumb. I've known that you think I am stupid, but I can read the signs. I know you want to breakup."  
"Can I come in?" Asked Keith. As Lance opened his mouth to answer, a sweet voice responded instead of him.  
"Well of course Keith! I haven't seen you in a while!" Lance's mother, Irene marched in front of Keith, hugging him tightly. Keith smiled and stepped in.

"So, what brings you here this late?" asked Irene while she put a big portion of smashed potatoes in front of Keith. "Eat, mi hijo, you look pale."  
"Thank you, Mrs. McClain. I just wanted to check in on Lance. I am afraid I haven't been..." he gulped than continued. "nice to him. Thanks for the food, I will eat later." Keith really liked Lance's mom. Lance took after her a lot. In appearance and in his personality too. They had the same smile, and also the same, kind hearts. They were extremely touchy and loud too. They had that kind of son-mother relationship which Keith couldn't even dream of. Well, mainly because he and his mother haven't met for the last 10 years.   
"Where did Lance go?"  
"After I invited you in he ran upstairs. I guess he is orginazing his room. The last time I saw it, it was a mess. He surely do not want his boyfriend to see it that way." 

Irene was right. Lance was sitting in his room, He looked like he tried to tidy up, but he stopped halfway. He held a dirty t-shirt in his hand ready to throw it into the hamper. He looked at Keith, eyes tired and sad.   
"Lance, please listen to me." Keith asked, and Lance obeyed. He didn't even open his mouth to say anything. "Nyma told me something. She and I had talked a lot while you were in the hospital. She told me that I should not trust you. She told me that you cannot love properly. She told me that I should keep my distance from you. That it is not safe to love you. " Keith stopped for a second. He looked and Lance, and he almost burst into tears. Lance looked defeated and broken. The boy didn't cry. The tears were just streaming down his face, unstoppable. The blue eyes didn1t even showed emotions anymore. This was it. " She also told me that you are only manipulating me. Look. I know that I was confusing in the last few weeks. And i know I made a very big mistake. And this mistake that for a minute, I believed her. I have my reasons, but this does't matter. Lance, you are so damn lovable. You are the most caring and loving person I know. I trust you. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone." meanwhile he spoke, he didn't look at his boyfriend. " I want to be with you. I swear on my life. I like you a lot."

"Why didn't you tell me this before...? Keith, do you have any idea how I felt? And how I feel right now? Relationships are about conversations. I know that you are new to this but fuck." Lance wanted to say so many things. "I like you too." he said finally, then burst into tears. "I can't do this anymore. I can't." Keith's cold hands were suddenly pressed against his warm, wet cheeks. The raven haired boy wiped away his tears, then pulled him into a hug.   
"You don't have to. I understand if you are angry at me. But I promise that from now on everything is going to change. I am trying. I swear I do. Just please, give me time. Give us time. We are not in a hurry. We have all of the time in the universe. Please Lance, can you forgive me?

"I wasn't even angry at you at the first place. It just hurts like shit, you know. Hearing all of this from you... And I truly thought that you wanted to break up." He snuggled closer to Keith.  
"Want me to make it up to you?" Keith smiled.  
"Keith, we haven't even kissed yet." Lance gasped.  
"We could change that."  
"Really funny mullet, you don't even wanna hold hands."  
"I do want to. I just didn't know what to believe. But now I do." Keith's voice was soft. Lance melted into his arms, They slowly layed down on the bed. It was late. The moon's faint light created a strange atmosphere. They both felt safe. They could see each other, yet their sights were dim. 

"Lance?"  
"Hm?"  
"I love you." 

*** 2 years ago***  
It was only 16th of October, when Lance gave up. In the past few days, he tried to start a conversation with Keith, but it was impossible. The new boy was untouchable. Lance understood, that he was going through some stuff, but still. Keith totaly isolated himself from others. His friendships were superficial, he sure had some walls up. Shiro didn't have time for Lance because of the University, so Lance had to deal with this alone. 

"Look, Keith. I seriously tried. But everytime you look at me, I just feel dumb. You won't talk to me, fine. But then don't expect, that I will talk to you." Lance said, then sat down. He thought, that this would work, but nothing. Keith didn't talk to him, at all. Lance honestly felt like shit. He always came up with random topics, so Keith wouldn't get bored, but when Lance needed something like that, Keith just sat next to him, listening to some music. Lance bet, that he didn't even listen to good music.

By the end of the day, Lance was so irritated by Keith's presence, that he just stood up, grab his bag, and walked out without saying word. This movement suprised Keith. The boy, who would never shut up, just left without saying anything.   
"Lance, wait." He said. Wait. What is he doing? He asked himself. Why does he care about Lance's feelings? He prayed, that Lance didn't hear him, but he had a feeling, that Lance was waiting for this. In a second the tan boy was in the classroom, with a smile.   
"Have something to say?"  
"It's just..." Keith stopped. He couldn't do this."I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you feel bad." ...Or he could. Keith was really suprised about himself. "Can we go and have a coffee or something?"

On that day, Keith finally opened up a little bit. They were in a Bubble Tea shop, and for Lance's biggest suprise, it was Keith's first time drinking Bubble Tea. After they ordered, they sat on a couch, close to each other. Keith must had been tired, he just closed his eyes, and took big slurps from the drink. Lance looked at him and he realized something. He wants to know who Keith Kogane really is. What's his story? What's his favourite animal? What kind of music is he listening to? What was his bestfriend's name in kindergarten? Lance couldn't help, but disturb Keith's silence.  
"Sooo... When is your birthday?"  
"Why do you care so suddenly?" Keith didn't open his eyes. "By the way, on 23th of October."  
"Dude, that's like in a week! That's exciting!" Okay, Lance was a baby, but he really, really got excited over birthdays.  
"Not really. I hate it." Keith mumbled.  
"Why?"   
"Well, you surely know that I am adopted. I guess I just don't like the fact, that I am celebrating my birthday with a mother, who didn't even gave me birth. You know, it's kinda ironic, not in a funny way.   
"I see... But you still celebrate it with friends, right?"  
"Well, if I really have to..." Keith hated this topic, so he just changed it. "And you? I am pretty sure you drop big parties.   
Lance laughed, and shook his head.  
"Well uhm... Not really. This year I had a few friends coming over, but nothing big. And last year..." He suddenly stopped and blinked a few times. "Last year was... Well it wasn't really my year I guess." Lance laughed awkwardly. " But next year I am gonna drop a bombass party. Every pretty lady will talk about it, you'll see! Maybe, we will get someone for you, who can break your ice!" 

"Lance..."  
" Oh, how about we don't wait 'till that time? We should throw a party on YOUR birthday!"

"Lance." Keith tried to stop Lance, but the boy just kept talking and talking.  
"So it can be at my place, we invite some hot girls too, and then you can..."

"LANCE, SHUT UP FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Keth shouted. Lance's smile froze on his face. Everyone looked at them.   
"Okay, calm down, man." Lance looked around in confusion. "Okay, then let's talk about something else... Uhm... How do you like it here in this city?"   
"I don't like it here. People are fucking loud, the streets are fucking loud, YOU are fucking loud. You don't even know me. So why the hell are you trying to be friends with me? You are super weird. As Keith finished his monologue, he looked at Lance. Right in the eyes. The eyes, that somehow managed to speak louder, than the boy himself. They almost shouted at Keith how hurt Lance was in the moment. Those eyes, which were always filled with joy, now were filled with tears and pain.   
"Okay. You could've just said that you don't wanna be friends with, but okay, I get it." That was all that Lance said. He didn't spoke back, like he used to. He just got his jacket on, smiled at Keith, then left. Again, without a word. But this time, Keith didn't yelled after him. He let him go. 

Keith was so lost. What should he do? Well, he managed to push lance away. THis was his goal, wasn't it? Lance was dangerous, he is that type of person, who you can get into. No, not like 'in love' into. More like in a spiritual way. Or at least, he was this type of person for Keith, obviously not for everybody. A part of him said 'Give it a try' a part of him wanted to get close to Lance. That part seemed to be bigger than Keith has thought, He wanted Lance's stupid jokes, he wanted Lance to speak to him, to make him laugh. 

So how did they and up like this in a few day? With Lance sitting next to him silently? Once again, Keith didn't know what he was doing. He was late from class, he didn't showed up in the first hour. After then, the silence between him and Lance was making him so angry. He wasn't angry at Lance. He was angry at himself. He was used to this. He often fucked up things, but Lance was something else. He didn't want to fuck up this with Lance. He could only hope it wasn't too late So he put away his fears, and just turned to Lance, after classes.   
"I have two tickets to a concert. I want you to come with me."   
Lance couldn't believe his ears.  
"What the fuck? Why? So you could say mean things to me again? Thank you, but no."   
"Lance please, you have to forgive me. I didn't mean those things like that. I... I want to be your friend, okay? I just need some space sometimes." Keith took a deep breath. "I am trying my hardest." 

Lance couldn't resist this. He just couldn't resist Keith.  
"Well, okay. I am in. What concert, by the way?"   
"Garrison's Harrisons. Ever heard of them?"   
"Yeah!" Lance's eyes filled with excitement. "They are one of my favourites!"   
"Alright then. The concert is tomorrow at 8 pm, we should meet up at 7 pm. Is that fine?"  
"A big yes from me!" 

On the way home, Lance was smiling. Although Keith was still so far away, the connection between them suddenly grew. Keith was opening up to him, which felt great. Lance wasn't as lonely, as he was before. After he broke up with Nyma, he became very distant. He didn't want to hurt people. But now, he felt like he could do this. He could grow a strong friendship with the hot-headed mulletboy.


End file.
